Fast forward a month or FOUR!

I do not normally ride roller coasters, but boy, had no choice on this ride. A HUGE learning curve. Thank goodness for the Day Center, the wonderful Care Manager, and WINE! Signing on to the AgingCare website has been a huge help too. Usually read a couple of articles every night to savvy up on what to expect, how to deal with a current problem or situation, which can range from frequent trips to the toilet to aggression.

Obaachan is OFF the medication. It was horrible. For her, for us. Soon after arriving here, we took her to all the necessary clinics: dentists, doctors, and day service. Had her registered and diagnosed as a patient with dementia, Level Two according to the City Office Health Department.

The two "packs" of medication per day made her into a walking zombie with frequent spurts of lashing out at us, anyone. Verbally and physically. How frustrating for her! We finally asked the doctor, who is an expert with elderly patients, to opt for a better quality of life. He agreed.....sigh! She's down to 4 pills a day to deal mostly with her high blood pressure. AND obaachan is BACK!

When I say back, it doesn't necessarily mean a sweet angelic little Japanese old lady. Oh no, no, no! It means the feisty, fiery one of the past. HA! But anything is better than the pathetic shell that we had unwittingly created.

A recent visit back to the MRI shows her dementia is worsening. Could have saved hubby a lot of money if he'd listened. She's having difficulty structuring a full sentence. Most requests are by instinct and via commands. Her memory span is clearly shorter. A good thing sometimes? Perhaps. Which is worse, losing it or knowing you're losing it?

Wanting to sleep all day is an issue but the Care Manager, from obaachan's fabulous Day Care Clinic, assured us it's better to let her sleep only 30 minutes morning and night to ensure an easy night, again both for her and us. She has been getting up more in the evening, until about midnight, calling out for me upstairs. Seems she's unaware it's night and is lonely, as she said. I'm not formally at a job now, however, keeping up with her schedule and two young boys, keeping a spotless house (yes, I AM a clean freak!) and laundry is REALLY a 25 hours a day job! It's quite physically and mentally exhausting.

Her son, my hubby, is still living in the US. Yes, everyone scoffs at that but, it is our choice. He wants to live in the US, loves his work, and I don't have a problem with that. I personally prefer to be in Japan, where I can look after his mother, and give the boys an excellent education. We skype pretty much every morning. He does huge amounts for us, even while living in another country, and supports everything we do here in Japan. His visits every 3 months are busy but meaningful. I feel we see more of him now than when we lived in the same house. We have moved on from the nucleur family structure creating our own style, and it is working for us. I can still shout, just at a computer image now.

Introduction

Thirteen years ago I met the mother of my soon-to-be Japanese husband. I was impressed. She was strong, outspoken, and insisted I sit and listen to her lengthy lecture on life, marriage, laced with the intricate cultural interpretations of these, using metaphors such as climbing a mountain, swimming upstream a river. After the third rendition, even with my then low Japanese language ability, I GOT IT! I soon learned that we all listened to this little woman.

Here we are today, November 2012. The same strong woman, however, her age has taken it's toll. Dementia is setting in. We lost her beloved husband and grandad "ojiichan". The doctors have deemed her unable to live alone, so as the wife of the first born son, I am obligated to take on the dutiful role as care giver. But, you know what, crap with all that obligation...she is my children's grandmother! We have come to love and care for her over the past year since returning to Japan and I can't bear the thought of her living uncared for, without family. So, she moved in with me and the boys. She is a character with memories from far back and a personality that runs against the grain of the normal Japanese.

If only she could REMEMBER the now.